**I wrote the first half of this 5 days ago, and have continued on today**
Today I just want to talk about my feelings. Things I have learned about myself through the feelings nobody really likes to feel, but which are very necessary in life. I came back from a wonderful vacation, refreshed and ready to hit my goals again. I also felt that I needed to work as much as possible to make up for the money spent in Hawaii, so I have been working full time hours and even considering picking up extra hours on my days off.
At the end of the last three 12 hour day shifts, I was reminded why I am doing this. Why I am working to be more financially healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do. I love taking care of entire families, responding to emergencies, listening to concerns, and providing comfort. Just a small piece of what I do, but I do love my job. The parts I don’t love are the parts I don’t have control over. I don’t love that I can’t choose a better lifestyle for these families or help them get to a safer place. I don’t love that I am arguing with people above me to provide the best care I can, to get the best equipment possible, and to provide the best and safest staff for all of my patients. I love that when I go to work I am supported by my colleagues, I get to socialize, and I get to help people. I don’t love that I can’t choose my hours, that too many people are working sick or burnt out because we love the job, the families, and feel obligated to be there for them ALL the time. I finished the long weekend, which I thought might be more relaxing because on weekends, though health care is 24/7, it tends to be less busy because there are no managers, less staff overall, and less tests etc. Well, that’s not always true, and of course, that is what I signed up for. Still, wouldn’t the world be a better place if health care workers could meet families in places they are comfortable in? Wouldn’t it be better if we could catch diseases before they happened? Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t need extra units, extra staff, and extra equipment because people were just HEALTHIER?